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TEXANA I WANNA: November 2006

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Sunday, November 26, 2006. So, I'm walking to work this afternoon and see EXBF. Last time I saw him he said he'd talk to me later, I guess he meant much much later cause he never called. Anyway, just as I'm taking a deep breath and preparing for our heart wrenching encounter (yes, feelings are still there) a co-worker pulls up behind me and calls my name. Exhale. about face, climb in car. leave scene without additional injury. I shut down some too at that point. It freaked me out how great things wer...

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TEXANA I WANNA: March 2006

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Wednesday, March 29, 2006. Too cool. blogging from my cell and knockin' out tha laundry. I was inspired to write because 2 big ole rotund lesbians are having a huge row. amazing. the huge one is screaming at the large one about "talking to them bitches! And refusing to give her the car or house keys. they are literally screaming at each other from accross the room. what a sight. there are also 2 kids in tow, they look really sad. poor things. time to move stuff into the dryer. Oh, after my run in with th...

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TEXANA I WANNA: September 2006

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Saturday, September 30, 2006. I love you and i hate us. Well EXBF: you win. heart broken. I had to see you last night and you were your usual smug self. Maybe that's what's attractive about you- the self confidence, the I'm really happy, couldn't care less poker face that you wear. I honestly don't know. It can't be made though. It can't be forced and you have to want it as much as I do. You don't. And I have to hurt and let go and eventually heal. Posted by jbird at 12:56 PM. Friday, September 29, 2006.

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TEXANA I WANNA: December 2005

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Tuesday, December 13, 2005. If we're gunna try to act single, let's just be single. i regret saying that too- the idea that he is out with someone else kills me. i have zero interest in seeing anyone at all. so, a conundrum. what to do? Posted by jbird at 9:21 PM. Brooklyn, New York, United States. View my complete profile. Intern L. Gossip. And the cookie crumbles. The last time I smoked. New Culture in the Hood. Good Theatre for People Who Like Bad Theatre. Dog log: day 3. Dog log: day 1.

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TEXANA I WANNA: August 2006

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Wednesday, August 23, 2006. Gotta live a little when your heart is broken. Anyway, on my way back from dropping my friend off at LGA the sun was rising, just starting to splash a yellow glow onto the city and it was really pretty. I had one of those moments where you are amazed and in love with the city and can't imagine being anywhere else in the world. a rare feeling for me over the last couple years to be sure. nice. Now I just have to stick with it, or me- I think I can do it. Monday, August 21, 2006.

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TEXANA I WANNA: June 2006

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Friday, June 09, 2006. Fuck- i'm a junkie. I am a cigarette junkie. i'm having the worst withdrawl. walking down the street in the dark i see things, i'm a mess. i bummed a smoke from a friend (? It's burning now. i hold it but i can't smoke it, i just inhale the smell. some how it makes me feel better. pathetic. i have to blow on it to keep it burning. fucking bloomberg and pataki and the self extinguishing cigarettes. saving lives from burning beds? Yes saving lives from cancer? Can i kick it?

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TEXANA I WANNA: December 2006

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Saturday, December 30, 2006. So, just returned to the Big BK from an interesting and mostly good trip to St Louis. MO. visited exbf's family and 1 friend. It was good and heartbreaking. don't know why I accepted the invite other than I wanted to know that the nail was finally in the coffin. no more need be said. That's about it. I guess what I'm sayin' is that despite the fact that I haven't been home in over a year, home has remembered and found me and I'm thankful. Posted by jbird at 2:27 AM. His plea ...

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TEXANA I WANNA: May 2006

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Wednesday, May 10, 2006. As a few of you may know, I've been doing a touch of self analysis lately. It's good, I certainly need it, and frighteningly enough, am finding an almost grown-up woman inside myself. I've been in the dumps lately: feeling overwhelmed, powerless, and unsure of my next step. Because of this I've also been unsure of where, or even how, to get control of my life back. I've done the bare minimum at work, squandered time, and hung onto my friends for dear life. Sad, really.

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TEXANA I WANNA: February 2006

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006. Rose, jazz, valium, the story:. Posted by jbird at 12:05 AM. Monday, February 27, 2006. Are you schizophrenic or on a cell phone? I'd like to think not butall the signs were there and who am i to judge? Posted by jbird at 11:43 PM. Saturday, February 25, 2006. So pissed. leans into the table and starts in on what a cold bitch i am. really not the reason i wanted him to lean in and engage me at all! It was awful, and i'm just as heart broken and confused as i was before, maybe ...

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TEXANA I WANNA: April 2006

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Tuesday, April 25, 2006. I don't know why but I have the hardest time getting started on laundry. Tonight is laundry night, and I'm washing everything. all the winter linens, my jacket, and sadly, the sheets and tees that still smell like exbf. I know another yummy, stinky guy will wander into my world, it's just a matter of time and I don'think he's gunna be 26 (sorry JS). Posted by jbird at 4:52 PM. Saturday, April 22, 2006. Country mouse/ city mouse. EXBF (yeah, you ARE getting capitolized! Enough of ...