afternoonswithgrammy.blogspot.com
Afternoons With Grammy: CRAZY BABY
http://afternoonswithgrammy.blogspot.com/2010/03/crazy-baby.html
Because someone has to spend time with the old woman. Monday, March 29, 2010. BABY: (runs through apartment) YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! GRAMMY: What the hell was that? ME: The baby from hell. GRAMMY: Oooh. Not our usual Barney self today, are we? ME: Shut up, Grammy. I’m not in the mood. BABY: (knocks kitchen chairs down) WHEEEEE. GRAMMY: Okay. Who is she and where did she come from? ME: It’s my neighbor’s daughter. Her babysitter cancelled and she was in a bind, so I volunteered. That was my grandmother!
afternoonswithgrammy.blogspot.com
Afternoons With Grammy: BELLY BUTTONS
http://afternoonswithgrammy.blogspot.com/2010/04/belly-buttons.html
Because someone has to spend time with the old woman. Monday, April 5, 2010. JULIUS: Whatcha doing, Grammy? GRAMMY: Just looking for something. JULIUS: Looking for what? GRAMMY: Oh, never mind. What are. JULIUS: Looking at my belly button. GRAMMY: Your belly button? JULIUS: Uh, huh. Typhus has an outie. I have an innie. What do you have? I haven’t seen my belly button in years, boy. I’m afraid to look. JULIUS: What’s it for? GRAMMY: What’s it for? JULIUS: But what if you have an outie? Together again at ...
afternoonswithgrammy.blogspot.com
Afternoons With Grammy: UNEMPLOYMENT
http://afternoonswithgrammy.blogspot.com/2010/04/unemployment.html
Because someone has to spend time with the old woman. Friday, April 9, 2010. ME: You know, I could get used to being unemployed. ME: Funny, Grammy. But it’s really nice not being slave to a job you go to for no other reason than to make money. This is real freedom, waking up and knowing you can do whatever you want. GRAMMY: Yeah, if doing what you want is sitting around the house all day. ME: I don’t sit around the house all day. GRAMMY: You’re right. You don’t. You sit around. Photo courtesy of Sheeshoo.
afternoonswithgrammy.blogspot.com
Afternoons With Grammy: OMG!
http://afternoonswithgrammy.blogspot.com/2010/03/omg.html
Because someone has to spend time with the old woman. Wednesday, March 31, 2010. ME: Hello, Grammy! Oh, my . . . Julius, quick. Call 911. JULIUS: Is she dead? ME: I don’t know. Call 911. JULIUS: The phone won’t work. I think they’re both dead. ME: Oh, my God. Grammy? GRAMMY: Thought I was dead, didn’t you? Why would you do something like that? GRAMMY: What, are you deaf? I said April Fools. ME: April Fool’s Day is tomorrow, Grammy. Not today. Make up your mind. Do you want me dead or alive? Still "Fuck Y...
afternoonswithgrammy.blogspot.com
Afternoons With Grammy: ARMAGEDDON
http://afternoonswithgrammy.blogspot.com/2010/04/armageddon.html
Because someone has to spend time with the old woman. Friday, April 16, 2010. GRAMMY: Oh, Lord. Don’t tell me. Jules is back and you’re in one of his plays? ME: How did you know, Grammy? GRAMMY: Why else would you be dressed like that? So what’s the play about? A day in Hell? ME: Close, Grammy. It’s about Armageddon. Jules thinks it’ll be a hit, what with all this interest in 2012. ME: You know. When the world’s supposed to end. ME: The Mayans. Although they don’t. ME: Gee. I wonder why? Fuck You, Penguin.
afternoonswithgrammy.blogspot.com
Afternoons With Grammy: MEN WITHOUT SHIRTS
http://afternoonswithgrammy.blogspot.com/2010/04/men-without-shirts.html
Because someone has to spend time with the old woman. Tuesday, April 13, 2010. ME: Where have you been, Grammy? GRAMMY: Over at Alfie’s. GRAMMY: Hey, just because you’re mad at him doesn’t mean I have to be. ME: I thought you thought he was weird. ME: So why would you go over to see him? GRAMMY: I didn’t go over to see him. I went over to see his friends. GRAMMY: He’s got a dozen half-dressed men over there working on some monstrosity. GRAMMY: Give or take. GRAMMY: And in their prime. GRAMMY: Well, what?
afternoonswithgrammy.blogspot.com
Afternoons With Grammy: ORANGE
http://afternoonswithgrammy.blogspot.com/2010/03/orange.html
Because someone has to spend time with the old woman. Wednesday, March 24, 2010. JULIUS: Grammy, I need help. I need to write down ten things that are orange. Besides an orange. GRAMMY: And what do you have so far? GRAMMY: That’s it? JULIUS: Uh, huh. GRAMMY: Well, sweet potatoes are orange. And life jackets. JULIUS: Oh, and goldfish. Remember when we ate one? GRAMMY: Yeah. It was kind of yummy. Wasn’t it? JULIUS: Kind of wiggly, too. GRAMMY: So, what else is orange? JULIUS: Clown hair and circus peanuts.
afternoonswithgrammy.blogspot.com
Afternoons With Grammy: PHILOSOPHY
http://afternoonswithgrammy.blogspot.com/2010/04/philosophy.html
Because someone has to spend time with the old woman. Wednesday, April 14, 2010. JULIUS: Like my poster, Grammy? GRAMMY: A black blur with words too tiny to read? I’d hang it on. ME: It’s not a blur, Grammy. That’s Earth. And isn’t that a great quote? It’s a dissertation saying we’re all a bunch of worthless nothings. ME: Well, it’s true Grammy. In a way. The problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. GRAMMY: You’re quoting movies now? GRAMMY: Yeah, well in.
afternoonswithgrammy.blogspot.com
Afternoons With Grammy: EASTER RAT
http://afternoonswithgrammy.blogspot.com/2010/04/easter-rat.html
Because someone has to spend time with the old woman. Friday, April 2, 2010. Look what Typhus gave me. TYPHUS: It’s not just any rat. It’s the Easter Rat. GRAMMY: Don’t you mean Easter. TYPHUS: No. The Easter Bunny’s dead. The rat killed him. GRAMMY: Oh, Lord. TYPHUS: It’s true. My Mom told me. That’s why I stopped getting Easter baskets when I was six. The Easter Rat ate the Easter Bunny. So who’s delivering Easter baskets now? Why I never got one. ME: Julius, you never got a basket because . . . An MSF...
afternoonswithgrammy.blogspot.com
Afternoons With Grammy: BEGGING
http://afternoonswithgrammy.blogspot.com/2010/03/begging.html
Because someone has to spend time with the old woman. Friday, March 26, 2010. GRAMMY: I saw your ex today. He’s out in front of the supermarket begging. GRAMMY: Yeah. He was bent over on the ground, cup in front of him, scrounging for money. Even got the cat and dog in on the act. ME: Oh, Grammy. He wasn’t begging. He trained the cat and dog to do that ages ago. It’s the art of Street Performance. ME: What do you mean? GRAMMY: Admit it, Barbara. The boy has idiots for parents. Photo courtesy of Sheeshoo.